As a Marine, it sucks when your weapon fails to fire. A lot of bad things can happen as a result of no bullets heading downrange. But, in the case of building my family firing blanks was the best thing that ever happened to me.
In 1995 my ex-wife & I were married and soon after we began trying to build our family. We tried for about 5 years with no luck. We saw a few specialists and they all had their reasons why things weren’t working out.
As a man, it sucks when you find out you’re firing blanks. And, as I witnessed first-hand infertility is tough on the woman.
A lot of bad things can also happen when a couple can’t have a child biologically. In many cases this stress leads to depression, substance abuse and miles of distance between the couple involved.
But, in my case, infertility was the best thing that ever happened.
It took a long time to get there, but I wouldn’t have it any other way…now.
Being Knee Deep Sucks
None of us enjoy the difficult trials we face. It sucks when we are knee deep in the crap of the situation. Stress levels are high and our perspective is out of whack. I remember the anger I felt when I’d hear people with kids share about how they couldn’t believe they were pregnant..again. They acted like it was a bad thing.
I also remember being pissed at God for allowing so many scumbags to have kids. I saw so many people neglecting their kids and acting like they didn’t want them, yet my wife and I were ‘good’ people who desperately wanted a kid of our own.
Being in the thick of adversity always sucks.
Learning to Ask ‘What If”
When we married we had always planned on adopting. It was something that was always on our radar, but we had our plan..to adopt after a biological child. But sometime in the midst of fertility battle we asked ‘what if this is the new plan?’
“What if this is the best thing that could happen to me?”
We have a couple choices when faced with trials:
1. Go into the fetal position and hide, whine, get bitter, and allow ourselves to be paralyzed by the adversity
2. Acknowledge the pain, learn, grow, see the opportunities and move forward
I believe movement is life.
I’ve had many situations in life where I had to choose. I filed bankruptcy after some serious financial trials. There’s a ton of head trash that comes with that. But, for me it became an opportunity to begin again…to pursue a new dream. Getting there mentally took a couple years of being honest with myself, opening up to my wife and other close friends and learning to not define myself by my financial status. This was one of the best things that happened to me because of how it caused me to grow.
There was also a time when I applied for the perfect job. I was the right guy. But, I didn’t get the position and it sucked. Now I see that not getting it was the best thing that could’ve happened because it would have meant giving up on my dream of building the The Contractor Fight and helping so many more people.
The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
In April of 2000 we adopted my son Dakota when he was a day old. Five years later we flew to China and brought home my daughter Iris. And then, in 2009 I boarded a plane from Haiti and my only carry-on for the return flight was my new son, Tiga. He was 8 at the time and was finally ours after 2 years of red tape.
‘Firing blanks’ was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I can’t imagine life without these 3 kids.
There’s a good chance that you’re dealing with a crappy situation and taking it on the chin right now. There’s probably something that’s not going your way. A career, a marriage, an illness…
Would you sign up for the situation you’re in? Probably not, but you’re in it now. Open your eyes and try to see the opportunity. Remember, movement is life.
Who knows? Maybe this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you…